Decades have past and nothing has changed.
Her day, it begins and ends with you.
You are a permanent fixture in her aging memories.
You haunt her in her dreams and in her nightmares. There’s no escape, no pause for the pain and emptiness.
So she waits, to see if you will return. She hopes that you will love her as a woman.
I hate myself right now.
Today, I feel empowered and determined. I feel like me again, it’s a great feeling.
I don’t know how or why other than to say my pillowed called. No I didn’t called you. I have nothing to say. I allowed you to rent space in my head and heart for far too long, while only receiving heartache in exchange. So, no… I didn’t call nor do I have any reason to speak to you. You should have loved me when you had me, but you didn’t and now you can’t. You don’t know me, not like you should not like he does. Let me go, please.
He was my Christian Grey. Not in the monetary sense, he was charismatic and sexy, poised and decisive, of course… the sex was mind-blowing.
The trainwreck which occurred after he moved was something out of a horror movie. Or so it felt. A downward spiral ensued resulting in two near death experiences because of drugs and alcohol. This is not something I’m proud of. I hit a point where I chose to live, got help to move past everything and didn’t look back.
Unfortunately, sometimes life presents opportunities which may seem like a good idea at the time however in hindsight, there’s not shortage of regret.
The regret, it’s gone. I learned a long time ago that you will never move forward while looking backwards. What’s done is done.
I prayed for peace and strength, for which I have been blessed. Even more so, I reminded that I have man in my life whose light eyes make me delirious, the sex has been on point since day one there just needs to be more… which will come with an increased intimacy.
If you are reading this… hopefully you have no idea who I am and maybe have found that there’s something you can relate to… take what you need and leave the rest.
Ladies… The man you want will cause your lipstick to smear, not your mascara.
Impossible love… is possible but you have love yourself before anyone can.
Impossible Love 
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